Dreams

The dreams we had for our lives have faded away.
Shattered by our carelessness,
Broken by our pride.

But I can't give up on my love for you.
I'll always be hoping,
That somewhere deep inside,
You still love me.

I still can't understand just what went wrong.
I tried to give you all of my heart.
I wish that we could talk just one more time.
And try to find a way to make another start

Diggy - 1996

To A Friend...

The most valuable gift one can give is friendship. Without friendship, there can be nothing else. Whatever the future holds, you will always have my friendship. I will always accept you for who you are, and never judge you. You truly are a wonderful person and I consider myself lucky to know you

Diggy - 2001

No Regrets

As I look at my life, I always find that I look at things much differently in retrospect than I did at the time they were actually occurring. It's like the old saying, 'Hindsight is 20/20'. I don't have too much problem understanding why we are able to look back at things and see them differently than we did when the events were taking place. I do, however, find that I am quite often surprised by the way that I view things now. Maybe I'm older, or maybe I'm wiser. Maybe it's a combination of both. Whatever the reason, looking back at my past has become one of the major influences on my future. In fact, that is the reason for one of my primary beliefs in life, no regrets.

Each and every one of us can look back on our life and say that there was at least on thing that happened that we regret. Some of these regrets may be small things. For example, we stole a cookie from the cookie jar and might feel bad because we weren't brave enough to tell mom. Others are more serious. One of the worst regrets that many of us share is not spending enough time with a loved one that has recently passed away. No matter how large or small, the final result is the same; we will carry those regrets for the rest of our lives.

If I think back to one of my earliest regrets, it happened on the front steps of a classroom in the second grade. We lived on RAF Chicksands, a U.S. Air Force base in Great Britain. One day during recess, I was being the typical 2nd grade boy with a crush on a little girl named Michelle Baumli. In second grade, my ability to communicate with women was not quite as good as it is today. Of course, today, it's still not exactly my strong point, so you can imagine what it was then. Anyhow, I decided that I needed to do something to get her attention and convince her that I was a real man, so I pushed her down. I know, you now probably have a pretty good idea that I wasn't too much of a ladies man then either. The point being, ever since that day, I have wanted to find her and apologize to her for having done that. Even worse, I have carried that regret for many years now.

Like many people, I also have regrets over something that happened with a person who has since passed away. After my father retired from the Air Force, we spent a few months living with my grandparents. One day, I was playing my Baldwin organ just as professional wrestling came on the television. My grandpa was a professional wrestler back during the time when it was a real sport. He enjoyed making fun of the matches on the television and never missed watching them. When the time came, he told me to quit playing the organ and let him watch the show. Being a well-behaved youngster, I got up and stood in front of him and told him he was 'a mean old coot.' A year and a half later, he passed away because of a heart condition. I never got the chance to apologize for saying that to him and will regret having done it for the rest of my life.

At this point in my life, I have finally realized just how much every minute of every day can mean to us later in life. To give you an idea, a few years ago survived an incredibly traumatic divorce. Without going in to the gory details, I'll just say that it almost killed me. In the process, I lost the opportunity to see my children each and every day. I also wound up alone in life. Like most normal people, I don't generally like being alone. I find that it's not much fun to sit in front of the fireplace and watch romantic movies alone. Something is just missing. After a divorce, many people tend to hide in a shell and avoid any type of emotional involvement for many months or even years. My problem is what if you miss out on the opportunity to meet the one person in life that is absolutely perfect for you? Personally, I would regret not letting go of fears of rejection or hurt and risking not getting to know someone that could become a wonderful part of my life.

Living life without regrets can be rewarding, but it is not without it's risks. To live totally without regrets, you have to be willing to give 100% to whatever you do. In relationships, this can be a dangerous thing because you are dependent on someone else being completely honest with you. I will admit that I have had my emotions thoroughly devastated because I was too willing to let go of fears caused by past letdowns or betrayals. Some of these hurts have seemed almost impossible to bear. The one thing that I can say, however, is that I didn't jeopardize the opportunity by not giving all that I had to the relationship. I can also say that years from now, I will be able to look back at the situation and say that I don't have any regrets.

Diggy - 1998

The Writer of the Story

One night I sat with my hand on the phone. So many thoughts were running through my mind. What do I say? Will she remember who I am? Am I going to regret this? I had as many doubts as any man could possibly have.

I finally summoned up the courage to dial the number. Those first words were like cotton in my mouth. Struggling to get them out. Even as I said them, fear was gripping my heart.

When I hung up the phone, I realized just how silly all the fear had been, but at the time, they were my sense of reality.

In making that phone call, I have opened up a new chapter of my life. Unlike a book, I can't cheat and look at the last page to see what happens. I have to take each and every paragraph of the chapter one at a time. Sometimes it's not a paragraph, but a sentence or a word. The one thing that I have found is that each and every one has a meaning of it's own.

Just like that book that you can't put down, I can't put what is happening aside. I catch myself hanging on every word with that excitement that I don't know what's coming next. With every word, I feel myself leaning toward where I hope the story is going.

Each day has become a new page in the chapter. I wake up and turn to what is going to happen today. Slowly, hour by hour, it all unfolds. With each new thought, and each new word, the plot goes deeper into this story that is my life. As each thought fades, another is always there to take it's place.

As each day comes to a close, I stop and take time to look at where the story took me today. One day, the story has taken me into the darkest caves of my life. Places where hurts and pains threaten to consume my very soul. Another day, I reach the crest of another mountain. I realize that I have found another part of myself that has been gone for so long.

As I continue to turn the pages, I've given up on trying to guess what is going to happen next. The author that is writing my life is the master writer. But as I read my story, I know that every new word holds something of value to me because these aren't just words. This is the story of my life. The only life I will ever have.

As I read the story, and live the story, I know that I have been entrusted with responsibility for the most cherished of all things. I have been given the gift of my life. If I care for it, I will find it brings me happiness and joy that no one has every known. If I treat it irresponsibly, I will pay the price in sadness and despair.

As I look back to the first page of the chapter and read about that first phone call, I can only hope that I'm not the only one to realize the importance of this story. As the words flow on to the pages of the story of my life, the same author is forming the words of someone else's life as well. Unexpectedly, the ink from the pages of both stories has flowed together. As much as I would like to look ahead, the next page is still blank.

I can't help but wonder if the ink will still be flowing together at the end of the chapter. I won't know that answer until I turn the last page. Until that time, I have to eagerly await each new word and combine it with the ones that have come before. As I read each word, I don't know if will bring me happiness or sadness. The only thing I am assured of is that the next word will come. All I can do is wait for the author of my life to write those words and know that this is the story of my life.

Diggy - 1998

Emotions Inside - Handle With Care

Just the other day, I got a package in the mail that was labeled Fragile: Handle With Care. Inside the box was a computer. Sure, if it's thrown around or dropped, something inside may get broken. Because of that little label, the people handling that box took extra care to not bump the box any harder than was necessary.

Isn't it a strange twist of fate that people don't come with the same kind of sticker? Aren't our emotions infinitely more fragile than a computer? If we all took the same kind of care with each other's emotions as the shipping company took with that box, we might find that there was a lot less sadness in the world.

The next time you see someone, remember that little label that says Fragile. You might just be able to touch their life in a positive way.

Diggy - 2001

Look to the Future

For most people, transition in life is a constant. Things are always changing around us or within us. Sometimes these changes are being driven by outside influences such as our family or job. Other times they are driven by our desire to improve ourself in some way.

I once had a friend that had decided she needed to make some changes in her life. When I first met her, she seemed to be a good person that had made some bad decisions in life. Who can't understand that? She had decided that she needed to take a long look at herself and try to change the decisions she made in the future.

During the time that I knew her, I saw a wonderful person starting to show through. At the same time, I also saw little moments when she would feel like she couldn't be who she wanted to be. These might be a comment like "I'm not really that good..." It always amazed me that a person would see themselves so differently than everybody around them did. In her case, it was really tough because she didn't realize how much she really had to offer.

One evening when we were together, she lost sight of what she was trying to become. Rather than seeing through what she'd started, she let herself get caught up in where she'd been. The old fears and attitudes shook her confidence in who she could become, and in how she should react to those around her.

Those are some of the times in life when you wish you could just help a person see who they could be. So many people have been held back because of their past. If only people could understand that you can't change the past, but you can change the future. No matter what mistakes you've made in the past, you can put everything you have into not making those same mistakes again.

We can't change another person, but we can be there to help them change themself. I wish I could just tell her that the only thing that matters is where you are looking tomorrow. It's not easy, but don't let the past hold you back. Look at what you want to be, and continue to strive toward that every day. Along the way, don't let go of the friends that see you for what you want to be, but are willing to accept you for who you have been.

Diggy - 2001

Value Those That Value You

Way back in high school, I used to look at the popular people in school and wish that I could be one of them. I admired the popular girls and wished that I could go out on a date with them. Sometimes I even looked past girls that were just as pretty, and almost always sweeter, and wished I could date that popular girl. When I finally met the one girl that captured my heart, I was surprised to find that she wasn't popular. In fact, she didn't even go to a public school. But, she was (and still is) an absolutely beautiful young lady and has an absolute heart of gold. As it turned out, I still managed to mess things up and I never married the girl of my young dreams.

Later in life, I've come to see that there are still people who focus their attention on the 'popular' people. They look for the outward trappings of money and success, but don't pay close enough attention to the heart inside of the person. Oftentimes, these people pass right by partners that could give them the type of caring and affection that they really desire. Oftentimes these same people come to the realization later in life that they really did pass the right person by.

So what's the moral? If you find someone that cares about you, honestly ask yourself if this person might not be right for you. Examine their heart as well as the outside wrapper. If you find that heart of gold, don't pass it by. If you did pass them by one time, go find them and don't make the same mistake again.

Diggy - 2001

For Grandma

Most people think there are three important women in a man's life:

• His mother brings him in to the world and teaches him how to be a gentleman.
• His wife makes him a man and gives him children.
• His daughter brings him a lot of frustration, but eventually makes him proud.

Diggy - 2001

As I am writing this, I am having to say goodbye to my grandmother. But as much as I will miss her, I know that she has finished her journey on this earth and now continues on her next journey. I look forward to the day that we meet again.

Out of the Blue

We'd never met, but we always knew each other
Something bigger than us made sure it would happen
All we had to do was be patient and wait
Because it was going to hit us Out of the Blue

The first time we talked, was like catching up
The words and thoughts came like meteors as we spoke
Without even having to pause to think
Because it all came Out of the Blue

But there's so much more to it than that
We've touched each other's lives much deeper
We bring each other so much happiness and laughter
And that brings each of us Out of the Blue

Diggy - 2001